T Dog's Think Tank: A hiring suggestion for Randy Michaels

Reader discretion is advised. 

I have some hiring advice for Tribune CEO Randy "Court Jester" Michaels directly from The T Dog Media Department....

Hire Seth Everett away from WEPN-AM in New York City (known primarily as ESPN 1050) and from ESPN's Baseball Today podcast.

Why you may ask? Because he is a seasoned, reliable broadcaster. Wait, no... you don't want people like that. Let me put it another way...

This guy is an abrasive jackass, which would certainly fit WGN Radio's criteria of hiring talent these days, which is right up yours' and Kevin "Pig Virus" Methany's alley.

And never mind his sports background. Assholes like him can be bought and sold for the right price, and you can make him talk about anything topic you want.

So why should The Court Jester and Pig Virus consider hiring Everett? Here's an example... on June 11th's Baseball Today podcast, right out of nowhere, Mr. Everett slammed Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen after he got into an argument with Ken Williams, the team GM over the drafting of Guillen's son and the elder Guillen offering his son $50,000 not to play for the team (after all, it is the Chicago way. Click here to listen and speed to about 11:05 to listen.)

Alright, Ozzie is.. well a bit much - he would fit in with the political crowd in Chicago, that's for sure.  But the garbage Everett is spewing is so hypocritical.

This idiot calls out Guillen for using profanity during post-game interviews... but yet, he admits to watching Family Guy, a program which contains such language (albeit bleeped) and rather questionable content. In fact, the Parents Television Council has a file so large on this show, it's practically a phone book (if you've read this blog for the past four years, then you know where I stand on the PTC.)

And he has the nerve to call out Ozzie for profanity and unprofessionalism? Good grief. Take a look at who the Worldwide Leader in Bullshit employs as a college basketball analyst - yes, that wonderful angel Bobby Knight, who spent half of his career tossing chairs across basketball courts.

And here's another gem: after a pitcher from an American League team recently injured himself running the bases at a National League ballpark during interleague play, he had the nerve to blame interleague play for the fiasco. I guess to him, pitchers rarely have injuries, right? According to his logic, robots should go out to the mound and throw no-hitters instead.

And a few days ago on ESPN's Baseball Today while discussing (or ranting) about the firing of the Florida Marlins manager, Everett said he wouldn't call for any major league manager to be fired- while he has called for Ozzie Guillen's firing on numerous occasions.

While yours truly won't defend Ozzie, Everett's constant attacks on Major League Baseball players and personnel is unwarranted, unfair, and totally hypocritical. This person is just as bad as Jay Mariotti - and some of the reasons why sports talk radio is unlistenable is because the majority of the hosts are retards and Seth Everett is no exception. His voice is so annoying, it makes you want to stick your head in the toilet and vomit.

But it's not the attack on Guillen that gets your truly. No, it's the fact that he would attack someone on the air about the person's professionalism when his own comes into question. And Everett sounds like a member of the despised PTC - when he says his favorite show is Family Guy. This moron sounds like one of those hot-air windbags WGN Radio is trying to hire.

Remember, this is a guy who replaced Peter Pascarelli as co-host of Baseball Today - a job Pascarelli was fired from after he made a crack about MLB Commissioner Bud Selig's statue in front of Miller Park in Milwaukee and birds from all over Wisconsin dropping off some... um, substances on the top of the statue's head. And when the gig became available, Everett took a two month vacation. In other words, he wanted to start the job when he wanted to. Wow, I wish I could've gotten a vacation when I started my new job!

And this trash can also worked in the Major League Baseball Commissioner's office for eight years - I guess ESPN won't ever be worried about Everett running off pigeon jokes.

And his "expertise" on baseball isn't that great either if you listen to the podcast along with Eric Karabell, who comes off as a whiny little prick who mentions the Phillies are his favorite team on every single podcast (and who says The Worldwide Leader in Bullshit has no East Coast bias?) But of course, if you want to work in sports talk radio, a knowledge of the subject isn't really a prerequisite - just acting like an jackass gets you right in the door. Just ask Tony Kornhiser from Pardon the Interruption, who is another self-absorbed jackass at the Worldwide Leader In Bullshit. And don't get yours truly started on Mike & Mike, the weekday morning train-wreck of a show those two idiots on Baeeball Today keep name dropping on their podcast. What, I want to listen to two more idiots?

Given The Court Jester and Pig Virus are so hell-intent on remaking WGN Radio as a outlet full of moronic windbags, Seth Everett would fit right in with ex-convict Jim "don't drop the soap" Laski and newcomer Mike McConnell from WLW-AM in Cincinnati, a polarizing talk show host who spews about the same amount of garbage as Everett does. All of this while good-natured and relatable personalities like Steve Cochran and Bob Sirott were kicked out the door. And WGN was this close to hiring Bill Cunningham from WLW, another polarizing figure who is shooting pilots for a daytime talk show on Bradley Place titled Willie, or its more appropriate title, Randy's Circus on Bradley Place featuring angry parents of child pageant contestants.

But what do you expect when Big Media is in control? Common sense and taste doesn't matter. Shock value and ratings does. It's the kind of values that Randy Michaels, Sam Zell, Kevin Methany, and ESPN executives thrive on. They hire personalities who are hypocrites who call other people's behavior into question while their own behavior comes into question. Does it make good radio? It makes stupid radio. But stupid people love stupid radio, and sadly, there is a lot of stupid people out there and even stupider executives, and it goes beyond the suites at the Tribune Tower and in Bristol.

And while the Internet has provided a new platform for distribution, ESPN's podcasts break no new ground. Big Media conglomerates like The Walt Disney Co. (owners of ESPN) and Tribune don't invest in innovation - they stifle it by trotting out the same old bullshit you are used to hearing on terrestrial radio. And it will get worse because Big Media is only going to get bigger with Comcast's purchase of NBC, which is all but certain thanks it part to the public's indifference on the matter, stifling creativity and innovation even more.

And this is what you get... Pascarelli no longer being employed at ESPN because his comments about Bud Selig offended no one but Bud Selig - and that's all it mattered to ESPN execs, who canned him anyway and replaced him with someone who would rather criticize Ozzie Guillen's actions and Interleague play, but not MLB's shaky steroid policy while running his mouth like a total jackass. No, criticism of Major League League Baseball - or any sports league ESPN has rights to isn't allowed at The Worldwide Leader In Bullshit, but half-truths and lies are.

And Seth Everett is the biggest pathological lying scumbag in sports talk radio today.

So Mr. Michaels and Mr. Methany, please hire away Seth Everett and bring him to Chicago. Because his arrival would complete the task of destroying what was once a great radio station. Better yet, pair Everett in prime time with that ex-con Laski the Loser. Yes, that would make great radio, according to you two morons. Why not go for broke? Adding an assclown like Everett would fit in the rest of the assclowns who work in the executive suites at Tribune Tower.